


The Right Man, In The Wrong Place

by riddlerhymes



Category: Half-Life, Portal (Video Game)
Genre: M/M, Pining, Rare Pairings, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-03-03 10:01:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24469168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/riddlerhymes/pseuds/riddlerhymes
Summary: cave johnson thinks aperture science deserves the FBI's attention more than black mesa. he doesn't know that, well, it's not the FBI hanging around black mesa.
Relationships: The G-Man/Cave Johnson
Comments: 2
Kudos: 22





	1. THE FBI???

**Author's Note:**

> my pal adam speedofwhatever had, say, inspired me to make this fic. it will be multi-chapter. it WILL be made for fun exclusively. and i will probably draw art for it at some point. anyways enjoy

"are you telling me black mesa has the _**goddamn FBI**_ funding them? with their _outdated practices?!_ this is ridiculous, that weirdo business man should be talking to _our_ scientists! at least our guys don't have stupid-lookin' ties like that."

the CEO threw the newly-developed polaroid photos down on his desk, causing a few to scatter. the mole from black mesa knelt down to gather the photos, stacking them neatly on top of each other. he simply nodded along with mr. johnson's rant, uttering an occasional 'yes sir' to show he agreed.

"what are they doing that's so much more important than our projects? playing around with rocks? we've turned blood into gasoline, that's much more interesting than shining a _flashlight_ on some _shiny rocks!_ " cave's hands gestured wildly to punctuate his statements, the fury in his voice barely contained by his office. good thing he got that soundproof door.

"well-- well, mr. johnson, i think black m- uh, _**they**_ are doing experiments with mutants, from what i've heard--"

"mutants?! the _hell_ is that supposed to mean, gary? huh?"

"i'm not sure, sir, they didn't uhm, i don't have clearance to that part of the facility... it's just, uh, just what i've heard from guards--"

"well, what, are we supposed to just jam two animals together and boom, mutant, government funding? we need to know how _**they're**_ doing it, and do it a thousand times better! that's what we _do_ here!"

cave punctuated his shouting by slamming his hands down on his desk, knocking over an empty mug he hadn't yet refilled. a glance at the mug, for whatever reason, gave cave an idea. he wasn't even sure why it made him think of it, the idea just sort of.... _**happened**_. a stroke of luck, perhaps.

"hey, tell the boys down at the lab to get in some insects. mean ones, the real bite-y ones. have them check in with me when we have 'em, alright? no questions, just do it. you know the drill."

"yes sir, mr. johnson, right away," the scientist set the organized photos back on cave's desk before quickly making his way out of the room to follow on his orders, relieved to be out of the line of wrath.

which, gave mr. johnson a moment to look over the photos, a bit closer.

his fingers splayed over the photos, spreading them out over his desk to take in each one. each was of a mysterious-looking man, looking quite out-of-place, in multiple areas of the _black mesa_ facility. some photos, the man was speaking with a scientist or a guard, some photos he was just watching over an area of the facility, almost _hidden_ if you hadn't known where to look. _shady._

the man always had a briefcase, always looked as if he'd just walked out of a tailor.... or a morgue. he was so pale and off-looking, even from a distance, it was hard to pinpoint what it was. maybe that's just how the FBI _wanted_ their guys to look, who knows.

it just wasn't fair that mesa gets the attention of those suits and not aperture. _we make robots, we made new elements, we made light bridges you can walk on, what more do these guys need to put in an investment?!_

well, no matter, they'd get the FBI's attention, even if it meant getting a little more dangerous with their science. even if it meant getting a little more unethical.

besides, science isn't about _why_ , it's about _why **not.**_


	2. of mantis and men

mantis dna ended up being the only thing that, well, _**worked**_. the only subjects that seemed to come out of the test normal were those injected with minimal dna from praying mantises, so that meant it was time to crank up those experiments and pump as much mantis dna into the subjects as they could, and see what came out the other end of the tests. 

everything else in the facility was already in order, cave really had nothing more to do but bark orders through his intercom and lounge around his office until someone needed to talk to him. at least it gave him time to, say, inspect the photos he'd stuffed in his desk drawer.

cave slumped back in his chair and pulled the drawer open.

still in the drawer, the photos were spread enough so the _mysterious suited man_ was showing, but other subjects in the photos were blocked by the overlapping pictures. really, that's all he needed to see, cave'd already seen some of the inside of black mesa anyway. it's not like the rat he had in mesa was a new development, unlike this whole FBI thing.

his eyes went between each of the photos, studying the agent. _better learn that face in case he shows up here. yeah, just in case._

well, that was the face of a top-dog if he'd ever seen one. the guy looked sharp and threatening, even wearing a neutral or otherwise relaxed expression, he still looked like he'd take a sharp turn to threatening, sinister territory in a mere second. _a fitting face for an agent_ , cave thought. 

a knock at the office door pulled him from his thoughts, shutting the drawer and fixing his slouched posture to look more presentable, before barking out a _"come in"_ at whoever knocked. loud enough that they could hear, he presumed.

of course, who else but the backbone of this facility, his lovely assistant caroline. she must have some reports that need his attention, or maybe some test results. either one would be exciting enough.

"mr. johnson, the mantis experiments have been set up and are ready to go when you give the word. the environment is controlled, the lab staff have confirmed the highest amount of mantis dna they can use on human subjects, and they have tests set up to check if the experiment succeeds. they're just waiting for the confirmation from you, sir."

perfect, maybe _this'll_ bring in the attention of the suits! if it goes off the rails, well, that might give them a better chance at attracting the attention of those agents. one can only hope.

well, knowing aperture as well as he did.... if something _could_ go wrong, it probably will, for better or for worse.

still, he turns on his intercom to give the okay, and waits for the results.


End file.
